Being a stay at home mom seems like a dream job but for some people it leads to depression. Being a stay at home mom is a full-time 24-hour job. The stresses of cooking all day, cleaning all day, baths every night, running errands, and tending to 1,2,3, 4, different little people who are limited in what they can do for themselves, can get overwhelming. Couple that with not being able to get out because of Covid-19 and/or distancing from your original family as you create your own.
Postpartum depression, addiction, poverty. It seems if it is not one thing it is another that black people have to battle with. The strong overcome but man can we have a struggle free life! There is still this stigma in the black community that seeking therapy is a waste of time or asking for trouble. Some believe it does not help, your spreading your business for them to take your children, or make you feel bad for reaching out for help.
Never allow someone to make you feel this way. Your Mental Health Matters.
Stay at home mom depression and postpartum depression is real. I have been there where I was overcome with guilt, feeling like I couldn’t get my life together and I need to just disappear. I know everyone says this, but it is true, “do not push your mental health to the back burner so much that you lose yourself”. This can lead to stay-at-home mom depression especially if you also have postpartum depression.
If you have feelings of:
- harming yourself or those around you
- extreme sadness with no relief
- anger, irritability
- distancing yourself from others
- Hopelessness, worthlessness, and refusal to accept help
- Inability to cope
- Crying constantly with little to no clear reason
You can read more on the disparity of postpartum depression among black women here.
You may have a form of depression whether stay-at-home or postpartum. There is no shame in getting extra help whether from a therapist, a family member or your significant other. You deserve someone to help you in your new role as a mother. No one comes equipped. We all must learn how to be a parent and to do our best. Your children will still love and respect you for making sure your mind, body and soul is stable.
Here are 7 ways to strengthen your mind against postpartum depression
- “Know when to fold em”
It is imperative that you set aside your pride and ask for help when you are overwhelmed. Those that love and care about you will have no problem setting up time to help you out. Those that don’t, well, they may need to stay somewhere else LOL.
- Increase your confidence in yourself
Insecurities feed depression. When you feel insecure your mind is chattering negative self-talk. Quiet that negativity by feeding your mind positive things you like about yourself, what you do well, and what you are proud of. Convince yourself you are the best mom providing love and care to your family.
- Write affirmations
Write out what you wish to change and who you want to be. Then write it as if you are already it. For example, some of my affirmations are “I am wealthy, I am loved, I am forgiven”. I have a whole page front and back of affirmations that I read after I meditate.
- Get you some therapy
No joke, therapy is very helpful for learning coping techniques for depression. I got to the point where I felt like I was losing my mind. I knew it was time to get help. I learned how to meditate and breath to calm myself down. I got to let a lot that I was holding in out in talk therapy. I know there is this stigma in the black community that therapy makes you weak, but that is not true. The strong are adept at emotional intelligence.
- Discover (or rediscover) your passion
It happens so often that we lose ourselves trying to be perfect for everybody else. We have a role as a mom and wife while working and still being the best friend. When do we find time to cater to ourselves and our dreams? Pour into a passion and purpose to boost your confidence, learn new skills, learn to be proud of yourself and have more meaning in life. Read in this blog post how to find time for self-care.
- Increase your self-esteem
It is good to learn how to love yourself, it is another to believe it. You must believe that you are a great mom. You must believe that your body is amazing even though it has gone through changes. You must believe that you are strong and capable of achieving your goals. Faith plus work will increase your self-esteem
- Set boundaries
For people pleasers this is very difficult. We live to serve and please others for validation. This opens the door for people to:
- Not respect you
- Step all over you
- Ignore your requests
- Use you for your benefit and return little
- Belittle you and destroy your self-esteem for their benefit and enjoyment
Learn to say no and stick to it. No excuses needed; no explanation needed. The people who love you will also respect you and your boundaries.
Set boundaries, increase your self-esteem, find your passion/purpose, seek a therapist, write affirmations, build your confidence, and know when to ask for help are 7 ways to strengthen your mind against postpartum depression. Postpartum depression may not be avoided but there are ways to cope and get back to a happier place.
As always,
Be You Confidently