Have you ever just sat somewhere, alone, and just cried? I know I cannot be the only one. When I got pregnant with my first child what little self-esteem I had plummeted.
And ever since then I have wondered how can I gain more confidence since having a baby?
Is this It?
After having a baby, I was so lost. I didn’t know what to do. No one had really prepared me. I was told and shown how to change a diaper, how to feed, how to clothe but the other stuff like sleepless nights, sore nipples, headaches, constantly being in motion no one dared mention. I’m still a little mad about that. I wrote about 10 things that changed when I became a mom. Read that here.
I did not feel like I was doing anything right. I was making so many mistakes and constantly getting called out on it. What little confidence I had shrunk to nothing. I started doubting everything I did to the point I didn’t know what to do. But cry. I would go somewhere alone and just cry.
Can’t Be
I would try to talk to those around me and they would just tell me “this is motherhood”. Why does it make me so sad? Why is my confidence in myself so low? I thought this was supposed to be lollipops and rainbows and happy family time.
No one could tell me how to gain back my confidence after having a baby. I had to figure it out on my own. It seems that is what most of us moms have to do.
This advice came from what worked for me and what helped during therapy. I hope they work for you too.
Here are 6 things I had to do to gain confidence after having a baby:
- Shut out the negativity
I had to stop listening to other people’s opinion of me and ultimately decide for myself. My therapist would tell me ‘do I truly believe the bad things people say if xyz good things are happening’. So, I have to remind myself, yes I make mistakes, so does everybody else, but I am doing my best with my circumstances. This helped a lot in building confidence in myself.
- Write down ALL the things I do that brings me joy and those around me
In therapy we did an exercise that literally changed my life. She had me write things I loved about myself. Then I wrote what things do I do that makes other people happy. It doesn’t seem like much, I’m just summing it up, but I got so emotional because I was at my lowest. I believed I was so worthless that nothing I did made anyone happy. That they were better off without me. When I saw on paper what I came up with, it definitely gave me confidence.
- Believe what is meant to be will be
You have to get to the point where you trust God’s plan. Faith is a form of confidence. If you have a purpose on this earth, God will show you what it is. Most of the time we have the answer to our questions, deep inside. Some things you have to let go in order to grow. All our experiences are meant to teach us.
- Carve out time for you
Women always do for people first, putting herself last. That usually breeds bitterness and resentment for not getting the help you wanted. Instead ask a family member you trust to watch the children while you get me time. This will give you time to recharge and take time away from the stress.
- Learn to set boundaries
You must learn to say no. You can say no to picking up extra shifts or projects at work. You can say no to a party because you didn’t get enough sleep last night. You can say no to giving money to a family member when you have barely enough for diapers. You can say no to sex to your partner if you are too tired and not in the mood. Do not let people take advantage of you or run you ragged. People only do what you allow. Once you start having the confidence to say no, you will gain the confidence to require what you deserve.
- Appreciate yourself
Appreciate yourself even if you feel like no one else does. This is a big step in achieving confidence after having a baby. We moms, a lot of the time, feel unappreciated. We carried a baby for 9 months. We went through pain and then more pain to deliver that baby. We don’t get a break because we jump right into mommy mode until they’re grown. We do so much and it just seems like ‘we are suppose to because we are the mom’. No, we deserve a break, we deserve help and we should be appreciated for all we do. You should be proud of yourself. You have a happy, healthy baby that loves you for being YOU. An awesome mom who would give her last for her baby. Be confident in that you are doing right, even when you are wrong. Learn from that.
I hope these tips help you to gain confidence after having a baby. I know it may seem like a lot so just take it day-by-day. Do not overwhelm yourself trying to be the perfect mom. You are the perfect mom. God chose you to be their mommy. Confidence means having faith in yourself and your abilities, to think and act. For more ways to build confidence after having a baby visit www.confidencereboot.com
As always,
Be You Confidently