Are you having a hard time adjusting to motherhood? I have a list of 7 tips that I have learned over the past 7 years. 7 years ago, I became a mom for the first time. Since then, I have had 3 more children and a ton of trials and tribulations.
I know as moms we can feel embarrassed when negative emotions about motherhood come up. So, I am here to tell you, it is completely normal and common and can be worked out. You can begin to enjoy motherhood.
Why Is It So Hard to Adjust to Motherhood?
A lot of new moms (and even seasoned moms) say it has been difficult to adjust to motherhood. Becoming a mom is a new phenomenon. You’ve never been through this, and no one fully explained to you what was involved.
If you were like me, you thought all you had to do was change a few diapers and keep the baby fed. No one told me that if you decide to breastfeed you will be on the pump 24/7. Or that you will literally have 2 hours of sleep every day and you make it work. There are a lot of layers within motherhood that get pulled back unexpectedly.
Read my story Motherhood Isn’t What I Thought It Would Be
Some women thought they were ready for motherhood but were not. How can you know before having them? Others didn’t work through past trauma and mental health issues and therefore didn’t know the impact it would have on their ability to cope in motherhood.
Well Other’s Seem to be Adjusting to Motherhood Just Fine
Comparison is the thief of all joy. I know it is easier said than done but don’t fall into the comparison trap. You don’t know what that mom has been through. She may have more people around her willing to help. She may even be paying someone to help her while she does other things.
While I see now that the more you work on yourself and learn about yourself, before having children, the easier it will be to cope with the challenges. But not everybody is afforded that luxury. Plus, everything works in divine timing.
Adjusting to Motherhood Takes Time
It takes new moms at least 4-6 months to adjust to motherhood, a new baby, and a new lifestyle. I believe it can take even longer. Honestly for me it wasn’t until 2.5 years ago that I began to know what to expect and how to deal with it. It wasn’t until I put a schedule in place that I began to see a difference mentally and physically.
You can see my morning ritual here.
So you see, it can take years to recognize your child’s patterns, know what to expect, and develop the tools to handle tough times. Within 3 years I had 3 children and felt myself losing it. When I recognized I no longer wanted to be depressed and angry I went to therapy. I also started meditating, shadow work, this blog, and becoming spiritually in tune by following my heart.
The time it takes you to adjust is totally up to you. There is a way that will save you a ton of time and energy. Just follow these 7 tips.
7 Tips for Adjusting to Motherhood
- Listen to your body
- When you are feeling tired, listen to your body and rest. When you are feeling sad and overwhelmed, listen to your body and cry or find a quiet space.
When you are feeling empty like you can’t go on, listen to your body and ask for help. You and your body always know what you need. All you have to do is listen.
- Learn your baby
- This can be a little difficult if you are a first time mom. This is because in a poll given to pregnant women over half of them admitted to being overwhelmed and the first few months after birth were a blur. Pay attention to how often your baby eats, how often they pee/poop, and how long their naps are. You will have to organize tasks and sleep around these times.
- Ask for help
- If there is anything I’ve learned it is that people won’t do anything unless you ask. There is a select few that will jump in at anytime and help. The majority need to be told what you need from them.
Asking for help doesn’t make you weak or a burden. It makes you strong because you know where you fall short and how to find a solution.
- Rest is a necessity not a luxury after having a baby
- Your sleep is as important as your baby’s sleep.
5. Do not try to do everything
- You will soon have to realize that you are not superwoman and cannot hold down 10 different jobs. Something will get neglected and most likely is you. This goes back to asking for help so that you can get a break, get some rest, and refill your cup.
6. This is 2021 you have to focus on you
- You have to put you first. Once you put you first you can better manage your household. Focus on filling your tanks: mental/emotional, physical and spiritual. You will need this strength to lean on as you ride the wave of motherhood.
7. Postpartum depression is real
- If you are struggling with extreme and prolonged feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, thoughts of harming you or your baby, I highly suggest you speak to a medical professional to see if you have postpartum depression.
This is not the time to be ashamed. You and your baby’s safety is top priority. I had postpartum depression and got into counseling and it has made a huge difference.
It can be hard for family and friends to understand what you’re feeling, so hiring a therapist is a good option. If you feel disassociated from your baby, and don’t have that head over heels love, know that it is common especially if you have postpartum depression.
Here are tips to get through postpartum depression.
Find a therapist here
Motherhood can be hard to adjust to as there are no manuals. This is a learn-as-you-go type of job. While the time adjusting to motherhood is different for everybody, you can get to that place. It is possible to enjoy motherhood, the good and bad times, especially when you know you have a team behind you. The unconditional love of a child has yet to be unmatched and seeing them grow before your eyes makes great memories.
As always,
Be You Confidently
Need support, education, and accountability on your healing journey? Join my Intuitive Woman Coaching program for empowerment, healing, and learning to love your authentic self. Learn to listen to the woman within and lead with your heart. Learn more about the program here.
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I love these tips. They are clear and actionable – even if us moms are terrible at putting ourselves first sometimes! My favourite is “rest is a necessity”. This is so true – if we take care of that, some of the other things get taken care of too!
Sleep is more important than people think. We live in such a fast paced society that will “sleep when I’m dead” lol. You have to refill your cup so you can pour health into others. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.
Thanks for writing! The adjustment to motherhood is HARD, but I can see how much I’ve grown as a person by being a mother, too. You included a lot of great tips above. I’d also add to give yourself lots of grace–just like your babies/toddlers/kids are always learning, you keep learning too.
You are absolutely right, we are learning from each other. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.