What If?

I often get stuck in wondering how life would have been if I had made different choices. If I had worried less and had fun more. If I taken the time to make and sustain friendships. I had waited to lose my virginity. If I had waited to have children.

In my thoughts I get stuck. Then I feel guilty and ashamed. There are a lot of things I regret, and wish had not happened. These are things I talk with my therapist about often. The conclusion I am coming to is this: all I have is today.

I cannot go back in the past (no matter how hard I wish) and change things. I cannot change my family or the bad things that have happened to me. It still hurts. I still grieve. I am still angry with certain people, but I am a work in progress.

For some forgiveness is really hard. Even forgiveness for yourself. Do you realize that we are human and we will always make mistakes? No matter how big or small, you are allowed the grace to make mistakes. The hard part is learning from those mistakes. I have made the same mistakes over and over, and it is hard to forgive myself. Now I realize how important it is to grasp this concept:

1. There is no going back
2. I didn’t know any better or did not think through the lasting consequences
3. This is my process to get to a stronger place
4. This is requiring me to sit with myself and ask “what do I need to learn to stop the cycle?”
5. What do I need to do to grow, be stronger, and enhance my life?
6. What do I need to let go of so I don’t depress myself worrying and living in guilt?